The Brutal Cold War / EGO

insecure people

In all my years of observation of the mechanics it has become very apparent to me that there are two subset races in the human species; one is the Emotional and Non- Emotional and the other subset is the defined Ego and the undefined Ego.

I am a defined Ego being. I am a minority amongst the population. Many readers will not be able to identify with my perspective in this article. Very rarely do I encounter a defined Will and even more rare, get to work with one.

However, there are certain traits or experiences that are common amongst these two definitions when they relate and interact. If you have an undefined, open Ego/ Will/ Heart Center then please take into consideration that I am speaking from a broad perspective and that I emphasize and exaggerate areas to make a point. Please try and keep an open mind about this and not take it personally. I am merely pointing out generalizations to help prove a point.

And there are always exceptions. Please keep this in mind as you read.

I can say, there are definitely patterns in the interaction that demonstrate a definite difference in the way we think and move through life.

In Ra’s course on sexuality he states that the undefined Ego will compete with the defined Ego until death. And I do see that it is true, especially in romance, unfortunately. And Unfortunately, you can’t escape the dynamic. No matter how hard you try to convince an open Ego that they dont need to be intimidated or to not try to compete with the defined, it is still going to happen, unconsciously. And don’t even try to convince a defined Ego not to compete once the game is on.

The natural tendency of the open Ego is to feel inferior against the innate confidence of the defined Ego and it cannot help but play out the game of competition and “put down” the defined Ego being. The defined Ego being is going to be a powerful force retaliating threats and pushing their Will. A war will start if the two dare go further.

The defined Ego is not hardwired to feel this state of insecurity and is often surprised when the open Ego begins the war or competition and acts out in a force of rage to win, to prove and to put down the defined Ego, however possible. The defined Ego can crush the undefined, if it so pleases, but often, it really doesn’t care what kind of trip the open Ego is on. The defined Ego person can see the insecurity and use it to their advantage in war.

It can become a living hell for both people and drive the entire relationship right into a deep, black hole.


The open Ego also takes in the power of the defined Ego through the merging of aura’s as lovers or parent and child. This taking in of the powerful, defined Ego causes the open Ego to become bombastic. It can happen with the defined Ego’s as well. It is a trait that both the defined and the undefined can exhibit when badly out of tune. A defined Ego has the tendency to brag about themselves in a very annoying way just like the undefined Ego.

The only way to escape this war that occurs between the defined Ego and the undefined Ego is if both people are aware and allowing for the other to be who they are. Total acceptance is absolutely necessary if the two are going to have any harmony. Judgment must be limited and criticism kept at bay. There is no room for right or wrong, better or worse. There is only what is. If we start making demands on the other, we are not aware.

Understanding that the open Ego is going to naturally feel insecure most of the time and slightly intimidated by the defined Ego helps in the interaction. Keeping that dynamic in the forefront allows for a powerful transformation to occur in the relationship. Both have to be aware of these tendencies.

When both people in a love romance are mindful and observant, heaven is knocking on your door.


Roughly 65% of the planet, have the Ego open. If you consider the dominating forces that are playing out, you will see that there is tremendous competition everywhere, media plays on the insecurities of the majority of the population and so do the companies that make the products who feed our markets.

There is big money to be made off of insecure people.

And then there are the broken promises that happen, too.

Many of my clients and friends who have an open Ego Center have communicated to me about their tendency to commit to something but then, they remember, they think the other person has forgotten about it and they are off doing something else. They blow it off and don’t give it another thought. It becomes a habit out of the insecurity looking for acceptance and to be liked or loved. They will make commitments in order to be accepted or included and then not follow through.

This tendency to not honor and hold commitments can be annoying. I watch my friends who are open Ego make plans, promises, and agreements with me and then not follow through at all or even a phone call or text to let me know plans have changed. It has a great impact on my reality when I rely on the open Ego’s word and commitment and arrange my schedule accordingly.

I am learning to observe who is open Ego and then take their planning, commitments and suggestions with a grain of salt. I know most of the time when they tell me they want to do something for me or with me, there is a good chance that they will not follow through or be there on that day. This way, no one is disappointed and neither of us are expecting too much from the other.

My open Ego friend will be onto something else and blowing off their commitment to me. Its obvious that this behaviour has nothing to do with me. I just have to keep in mind how they operate and not take it personal or allow it to have such an impact on my reality. I wish this was not true, but it is.

The same can happen with defined Will people. If they are entering into a commitment, making a promise that is not correct, they wont see it through or they wont have the impetus to move forward until finished. If the promise is broken its because it was initiated or it was not the correct direction.

It will probably cost the defined Ego money, too, if it was not correct. It is so important to pay attention to the body and really listen to the voice of the Higher Self.


So how do you bring the two worlds together?

Know yourself, know the other; become aware and learn how to support each other in the process of becoming more of who they are. This will help to lessen the insecurity that brews below the surface and reduce the motivation for competition.

There is a way to harmony and it is through awareness.

Let’s evolve this relationship dynamic and learn to be more compassionate, forgiving, understanding, allowing and celebrate our uniqueness, defined or not.


Kashi Stone 2014


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