Blame and Its Best Friend Threat




Blame is very common amongst the homogenized world. You hear it everywhere. When something goes wrong, most will accuse the other for being at fault. “It’s her fault because of blah, blah” or “He did this and he did that and now look what’s happening to me”.

Blame started to show itself to me a few years ago in my observation with the Human Design science lens. It became so apparent in many interactions as a default mode of way of operating; it is pretty rampant in most conversations.

Almost every person I talk with has a blame story. Most people will feel like they are a victim of someone else’s behavior and will place all of the responsibility for the condition of their life on the other person that they are blaming. They cant even see that perhaps they made a bad decision because of a distorted perspective that comes out of living a life through the Open Centers.

I see blame come up with the spirit of expectations.

Often, blame begins when a person cannot see what the true chemistry is of the other and they expect that person to behave differently than their true nature or their innocently disconnected self. It also comes out in heavy conditioned behavior shaped by the homogenized world through religion, institutional education and social culture.

You can see it easily in romantic relationships but is happening in every encounter.

In romance, one partner has expectations on how they would like the other to meet their needs; insecure, twisted, codependent or otherwise and if they are not met according to their conditions, well, the other is to blame then.

In business, it is a great escape from taking responsibility from bad decision-making.

In friendships it is a great tool used to remove the possibility of being embarrassed or appearing as though you have failed the friendship in some way.

Blame is really, really tricky and its everywhere.

If you are a Split Definition, which is 42.4% of the world’s population, then you are going to be prone to placing blame more than most. And if you have a wide split, there will be a much greater tendency to blame. I see this as I observe those around me. It is very strong in those who have wide splits. More than half of the world’s population is prone to falling into the “Blame Game”. It is everywhere.

You can read more about Split Definitions here.

It seems to me that blame is an easy excuse for not looking at truth, an easy excuse for not being aware and an escape from taking responsibility for our decisions. It really is that simple.

If people actually looked at the differences in chemistry and understood what creates disharmony, blame wouldn’t exist.

About the only thing we can really blame is the homogenized way we were raised but then again, we cant blame the process of the evolution of existence itself, so blame really has no place in the reality of things.

It really is about cause and effect, act or react and how you impact when you do act. That means that it really boils down to you and how you navigate. Again, blame has no place in the scheme of things on a more aware level of understanding.

Recently, I started to see Threat, Blames best friend. Suddenly, it has become very apparent.

Threat looks like this: “If you don’t do this, this is probably going to happen” or “If you don’t tell me, I’m leaving”, or “If you do that then I’m going to have to do this”.

Do any of these statements above sound familiar?

It’s a real cop out for not looking at yourself and what you are creating. It’s silly. It’s a mild form of manipulation, coercion, control and disempowerment. It’s not fair and it’s mean. Worst of all, the consideration of what children endure with parents. It’s really sad.

“If you don’t clean your room right now, you cannot go to the Saturday dance.”

“But I don’t feel like it in this moment. I am busy doing something.”

“I don’t care. I said to go clean your room and if you don’t do it NOW, then you cant go.”

A broken heart sets into the child with emotional inner authority that cant move in the NOW and who is often deeply engrossed in what they are doing in the moment. It can actually make the emotionally defined children ill when they act spontaneously in the moment. Or anger rises in the Manifestor child because it is being commanded rather than gently lead. And it may just be the wrong timing for the Sacral or Splenic child. No one knows because they didn’t look at the operating manual for the child and they didn’t ask the child, they commanded. The parents are just doing what they were raised to do – support the homogenization process.

These two characteristics of human behavior, Blame and Threat are widespread throughout our interactions. It’s become a default way of operating in the homogenized world. Almost everyone has a blame story to tell and almost everyone defaults to a threat if they feel they need to control the situation.

But what if we said, “I have no clue who I am but I am learning.  I have made some bad decisions and now I have to take responsibility for this situation as it is”.

Whoa, what happened to blame?

Or, “I can see how different our chemistry is and no wonder we have a problem relating and understanding each other, we are so different”.

Blame gone again.

Or, “I did make that decision and I can see now it was not correct.”

Blame completely disappears when we understand how different we are and why we do the things we do and we are honest about it.

This is another reason why Human Design is an indispensable tool.

It brings understanding and washes away expectations of Blame and Threat.


Kashi Stone  2014